Apocalypse Now-ish

Earlier on this week, I read on the Disney Roller Girl blog that ugly arse clogs were big news for summer. Judas Priest!

I had barely got over that particular shock when hot on the heels (cloggy, uncomfortable, ugly as pigshit, heels) comes the news from the Debenhams press office that come summer we will all be wearing... wait for it... Sweatpants. `

Yeah, you heard me. That last bastion of comfort dressing, the one thing you are guaranteed to meet a recent ex and his new girlfriend in while looking like a hot mess, is THE fashion item of the summer. Oh dear.

One of the highlights of my blogging life is receiving the odd press release from Debenhams. I love the Debenhams press office. I really do. They just pull together a load of sales figures and then just run with a story. They are fantastic. I will not hear a bad word said about them. Speak, oh wise gurus:

"The return of jogging bottoms as a fashion piece is great news. It’s undoubtedly the comfiest item of clothing in every woman’s wardrobe, and now it can be worn out to the shops, to a club or on a date! Our customers already seem to love this comfy style option, just like they did when leggings came back into fashion a couple of years back.” Um... Okay.

Upon further reflection, I realised that added to the fact that Nuclear Wintour has been spotted wearing jeans and flats for the first time ever, and - excuse my while I make a sign of the cross - smiling, this is a sure sign of Fashion Armageddon. It is the end of days y'all. We are all going to perish, clutching out green velour trackie bottoms and Vuitton clogs. DOOM!

I am imagining scenarios like this:
Just add the theme music from The Omen (Oh Fortuna) and a gratuitous shot of Sam and Dean (in towels!) and we are good to go. I just wish I could do whizzy things like flashing red eyes and knives dripping blood.

Welcome to the dark side

I've been having a bit of style rethink of late. There are many reasons for this but mainly it's because I've got stuck in a sort of rut where the colours are clashing, the prints are loud, the forals are everywhere and the cuts are ladylike and girlie. Which is fine, if that's how you feel.

But I'm feeling a bit more like kicking arse and taking no prisoners. I'm feeling chunky boots assymetrical hair, lots of black and a perma-scowl. I basically want to dress like an extra from Mad Max channeling tank girl by way of Freakangels. But everytime I buy something it ends up being the same boring girlie prom dress (or variation of).

Luckily, as the seasons turn a darker, edgier look is coming into play. A more black, biker meets grunge look with exposed zips, buckles, rips, studs, pvc/leather and serious attitude. The dark side, that's where I'm headed.

I was recently invited to view the Warehouse Christmas 09 collection and it's as if they've read my mind because they've have put together an amazing collection with studs, sequins and lashings of black. There are severe military jackets with the obligatory strong, exaggerated shoulders, studded dresses and matching leggings and panelling effects that give you the impression of urban armour, all of which I am very excited by.

However, I'm most excited by the jewelry, which is bold, chunky and dangerous looking. I can't wait to get my hands on it. My camera was - and still is - out of commission so I don't have any pics of the accessories table, but here are a few press pics from the day.

He wore an itty bitty, teeny weeny

... pair of shorts. And it seems that by doing this, sulky but fit, metrosexual footballer du jour, Ronaldo has sparked a trend. If the breathless spin of the Debenham's press office is to be believed, "Cristiano Ronaldo has created a huge surge in sales of men’s super-tight, figure- hugging sports shorts".

Far be it for me to miss out on using a picture of the dashing Ronaldo - sans shirt and avec teeny weeny shorts - on this blog for the delectation of my female readership.

It does worry me slightly that there must be a lot of contortion involved to fit in all his dangly bits though. I mean, wherever does he put them? Mystery.

Says Paul Baldwin, Director of Buying for Menswear at Debenhams: “His sense of style has moved men’s shorts into an entirely new ball game." This is a direct quote, I did not make it up. Make of it what you will. I just spent an hour LOL-ing like a LOLcat on laughing gas. Truly.

Anyway, the up shot of it all is that our eyes will be assualted this summer with the sight of many men squeezed into too tight shorts in various pastel shades. It won't be pretty but it'll be pretty hilarious. As the ever erudite Mr Baldwin puts it: “Alas, they may not be the best choice for more generously proportioned people such as Peter Kay or John Prescott.”

Word, Mr Balwin, WORD.

Happy Friday!

Fringed benefits

As I mentioned in my outfit of the week post earlier this week, the High Street is teeming with fringe at the moment. Fringing, tassles - call them what you will - those dangly strips of silliness seem to be beckoning from every shop window on everything from bags to clothes to shoes.

I love the sense of movement created by fringe. You wear a fringed item and it immediately feels like you added another dimension to yourself almost hyper-real. Like you are your own stop action movie or an animation of yourself.

I love the fringing on this waistcoat from ASOS precisely for this reason. You can't get the full effect from these images but if you watch the catwalk video on the site, what I mean becomes obvious. And here is another fab pair of leggings from Topshop, this time with added tassles. I also love how the added fringing around the neck of this vest from Urban Outfitters makes it a two in one piece of clothing with jewelry attached. Accessory problems solved.

There's also plenty of fringeing going on at foot level. My favourites so far are these Suede peeptoe boots from Oli that remind me of old cowboys and Indians movies. There's something of the squaw about them. I think they'll look great with tanned bare legs.I bought the fringed, studded limited edition ankle boots from New Look because I was simply powerless to resist. They just looked so lovely on and comfortable too, considering the height. I haven't made up my mind what to wear with them yet but I think could add some edge to short summer dresses, and interest to denim shorts and a t-shirt.

I'm going to start calling peeptoe boots, summer boots because that's essentially what they are. They're wildy impractical for winter and if they were closed toed then they'd seem a little overwrought for sunny days. Somehow, however, we've managed to have another invention thrust upon us that it is neither boot nor sandal but something in between. I'm not complaining because I quite like the idea of them.

I've deliberately not included tassled bags in here as they are too numerous to mention and Tor of Fabfrocks has already done a brilliant piece on them. Check out the plethora of tassled arm candy on her blog.

Swarming with studs

Do you ever have those moments when you notice something for the first time and then it seems to be everywhere? Like red cars. Or Christmas novelty ties. Well yesterday, I slept blissfully unaware of studs and awoke this morning to studs everywhere. They're on shoes, on boots, on jackets, on bags... Everywhere I look it's studallover.

I like studded black accessories in particular because they can really toughen an otherwise girly outfit. Ideal for breathing new life into your summer dress.

Belt, Oli Fusion; bowling bag, Oli; tassled bag, River Island; clutch, Star by Julien MacDonald; patent bag, French Connection

Just throw your dress over a black poloneck and shiny leggings and add any or a combo of these studded lovelies and suddenly you are so punk.

Tassled boots, River Island; knee boots, Full Circle; Shboots, Peacocks;

flats, Miss Selfridge; courts, All Saints

Alternatively wear one of those studded dresses with simple accessories and a boyfriend cardigan and see how fresh it looks.

Shorts, Topshop; sequin dress, Warehouse; biker jacket, Monsoon; bomber jacket, Lipsy; black dress, River Island

... And all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Last week I went to quite a peculiar launch. It wasn't for fashion or clothing or shopping (well, not strictly speaking). It was for a new generation of mobile phone from the 3 network.

It's called the INQ1 and the main selling point of the new device, as far as I can see, is that it's got widgets that allow you to access social networking and other useful social sites.

Top of the list, of course, is Facebook but it also gives you instant access to skype, Windows Live Messenger and Last Fm. So far, so ever-so-slightly interesting, if your a tech-head who loves their toys. Apparently you get access to ebay too, though I didn't see that in the demo. But, hey, ebay, right? Shopping. Cool.

Still, I had to ask: what the hell was I, a consummate fashion blogger, doing there? Well, according to the PR men I was what they call a "voice", which means that I have the ability to influence opinions online (at least that's what I suppose it means, either that or Simon, I've got the X-Factor!)

I wasn't the only blogger there. There was Kirsty Lee from That's Just My Vibe, along with bloggers that I hadn't met before like Amanda Gore from psfk and Priyanka Kanse from Two Parts Mixer. Meeting these two people alone, was worth a couple of hours of my time.

Now don't get me wrong, I like these little juants that I get invited to. It's nice to be noticed and it's good to see the PR guys cottoning on to the fact that bloggers have a "voice". Besides, a London girl knows not to look a free-champaign-bearing gift horse in the mouth. And because other bloggers get invited too, it's fertile ground for networking and getting know other people.

I also know that there's an element of quid pro quo involved. I'm not stupid. I know I've been invited on the understanding that I will eventually use that "voice" I have, to write about where I've been and what I've seen.

So let me use that "voice" now and say this: it's an interesting enough phone and I'm sure that it has it's uses but... Being a blogger, the first thing I had to ask was: where's the easy access to blogging ware?

Secondly, being a fashion blogger n' all, why was the phone so damned plain? It wasn't covered in swarowski crystals, it didn't come in a variety of customisable colours, it wasn't shaped like a shoe or a handbag. Even the wallpaper was a little dull. So, what was in it for me?

So here lies my dilemma: one of the fringe benefits of blogging is getting access to events like this. But sometimes, it's not a perfect fit. I'd rather have been invited to London Fashion Week or a preview of Topshop's Spring/Summer 09 collection. But that's not happened yet. It will, I guess, with time and patience. For now, I go where I'm invited and see where that leads. It's like a game of Hopscotch, you keep moving forward to get to the next box.

This time I got a goody pack which consisted of a USB disk full of press bumf, a quite decent art print, and a t-shirt that I'll probably never wear. Maybe next time I'll get the red, swarowski crystal encrusted, shoe-shaped, blogger-loaded phone of my dreams. That would make things far more interesting for me. And for you.

Me with my rad new tee and print of the Geisha DJ... sweeeet!

If you're a fan of social networking on your mobile, you can find out more about it the INQ1 here. Be warned, there's audio video on the page so turn the sound off before you click if you're at work.

A few of my favourite things: Capes, cocoons and eggshapes

Yes, the trench coat may forever be a wardrobe classic but I've got to say I'm liking my coats a bit edgier at the moment. Capes seem to suddenly be the big thing this winter, even though they've been edging their way on to the high street for the past two winters, now. I think we've all only just got the hang of them.

I think my main problem with the cape has been: "too airy for winter." When you're neck deep in icicles (figuratively speaking, of course) the last thing you need is a coat with gaping sides and no sleeves. I've learned to combat this problem with lots of layers and arm warmers with elbow length gloves. Oh, and also if it's really cold, just wear a parka already!

The other eternal cape conundrum is: "where the hell do I put my bag now?" I generally put it in the crook of my elbow. Though the only real solution is don't carry a bag. Impossible, I know.

Clockwise from top: Black cape with contrast lining, Full Circle@Urban Outfitters; red checked, Full Circle; hooded, Oli; belted, Next; 3-button, Ted Baker

If you just can't be dealing with the cape and all it's doings, consider the faux-cape shape of the cocoon or egg-shaped. You've got that nice bit of volume but you've also got sleeves.

Clockwise from top: Cocoon parka, Full Circle; cropped trench, All Saints; egg coat, Full Circle; purple cashmere, Lizzy Lu @ASOS

Lastly, unless your trying out for a part in Sound of Music you might want to consider going skinny on your bottom half to balance out the volume on top. So - skinnies, leggings, pencil skirts, fitted dresses all look fab. Full skirts and wide legged trousers, do not. But what do I know? You probably like looking like you've been dressed by Quality Street when you leave the house of a morning.

Primark cape, American Apparel leggings, very old OTK boots.

Hard shoulders

Fueled by my ongoing obsession with the structured silhouette, I set about turning a common or garden variety sweater (I forgot to take before pictures so you're just going to have to take my word for it) into this (click on images to enlarge):I cut the tired old sequinned sweetheart neckline into a scoop. Then I cut some felt up into circles, which went on the arms. Cut off bra cups added some structure and the padded wonder-bra cups went into that.

I tried it on with my All Saints military harem pants, mongolian neck wrap and some shiny peeptoe shboots, and felt very urban warrior princes but in a nice way:
But when I put on my stomping, military lace-ups, I came over all queer:I wanted to smash something but decided it would be safer to pull faces instead:Grrr-AH!

Neccesity (and being a doofus) is the mother of invention

I'm just back from an abortive trip to John Lewis, Oxford Street. That's a pointless three hour round trip, if you're coming in from The Nethers. I am such a doofus.

It's nothing that JL did. I love John Lewis. They have the most polite knowledgeable staff anywhere on the high street. When you ask them a question be it regarding their own stock or even getting something somewhere else, they have the answers. If I could - and if it were legal - I'd marry them all. That is how much I love John Lewis. They can do no wrong.

Anyway, as I was saying, it was my own damned fault. I'd just got to the nice lady at the till with my haberdashery supplies when I realised I'd left my purse at home. Major bummer. Basically I was after some felt (can't have too much felt) and some shoulder pads. I have become obsessed with getting that high shouldered, structured look that's been about this season, and I thought I could do a DIY project around that.

On my abject and empty handed train ride back it occured to that I probably didn't need the shoulder pads anyhow because what I do have is a worn out push-up bra that I'd been wanting to get rid of. The cups are the perfect rounded shape and I could fill them out with some wadding that I just happen to have handy. What's that? Yes... I hoard wadding. Your point?

So, I cut out said bra cups and filled them with wadding and they look pretty much exactly how I wanted. Phase 2 will be finding the lucky unloved top that's about to get a major makeover. There's one around here somewhere...

My love is thigh high

My little obsession with those Antonio Berardi boots continues apace . Well, not really the boots but that whole tight, black, thigh-high thing. Which means, whenever I come across a pair of black shiny thigh-high boots online, I have to immediately bookmark them.

Luckily, I already have a pair of serviceable over-the-knees (to use the fashion term) that I've owned for years and purchased for a whopping £70 at the time. It was a lot of money then and I had to pay for them one at a time at £35 per boot, over the course of 2 months. I've more than had my money's worth since then, so I guess that's another reason to buy quality over quickly.

Anyway, that's all a bit of ramble since all I really want to do is share my latest fab finds in OTKs to suit every budget.

Gorgeous, platformed and ever-so-slightly over-embellished, these leather beauties are from River Island, £149. Not exactly expensive for a good pair of leather boots but sincerely, if I had that amount to spend I'd be going for...

These from Gianna Moliani, available on Yoox, £118. They're properly shiny and have a nice comfortable block heel, which probably means I'd wear them more often and for longer. They also look like they'd sit really high on the thigh and not just over the knee. A bonus. Thigh cleavage is so not a good look!

These are my favourites and the cheapest at £25.99 from a new site called My1stWish, that was brought to my attention recently. I wouldn't vouch for the quality or the fit (I'm still waiting for samples to try out). Although they look like they're made from latex, the site description doesn't say what material they're made of either but they're shiny and they look tight on the model. I love the look of the platform. It's got a good shape to it and I like that's it's round toe-ed rather than pointed. For the amount, they're probably worth a try.

Nowt as queer as folk

Now, you know I'm not a one for outfit posts. This is mainly because when it comes to taking pictures of myself, I am cack-handed at best. This irks me. It irks me a lot. I like being good at what I do. Mediocre sucks.

Still, I thought I'd try the whole folk trend thing out a couple of weeks ago and kinda liked what I came up with. So, while rushing out the door on the way to work, I took a couple of pics. Whaddaya know? They came out relatively okay.
For some reason Russian Babushka dolls immediately came to mind. I guess it had something to do with the red and black colours and the florals. At least the ones I remember playing with and being quite obsessed with as a little girl were that colour.

But seeing as I'm not actaully wearing a scarf round my head (apparently doing so would make me "on trend" methinks it would also make me look like a dork!) I'd guess peasant/gypsy would be more apt.
The lovely Baboohska soft dolls at the top are from Erleperle. Check out her Etsy Shop here.

Dress, thrifted; scarf, Primark; boots, Topshop; black polo-neck, shrug, belt and ring, H&M

Ring, ring

Have you noticed that huge cocktail rings are back in fashion again? This time they are distinctly more solid and masculine looking and I have to admit, I am very drawn to them. But then I am a ring ho' so nothing new there.

Check out these ones at £90 a pop and only to be bought if you're not a faddy shopper.

Or if you're anything like me, check out some passably comparable, cheaper options like these from £10-£7.

Me? I'm raiding my closet because I know I have a whole trove of huge rings in there. But I might have to stop by Dorothy Perkins for one more.

Roll up! Roll up!!

So, in the back of mind has been percolating that whole circus/circus freak look. Then came the poke in the eye with the preposterousness (I don't know... is that a word? I think it's a word... 'tis now...) of Topshop's Pierrot hat. Although I quickly forgave this idiocy when I saw their wonderful Wonderland collection - big bows, exagerrated shapes, ringmaster jackets, a bit shiny, a bit showtime, a bit Cabaret... I love all that drama.

It was only a matter of time before I was rooting through my wardrobe looking for a way to make it all mine. This is what I wore to work yesterday (click on images to enlarge):

I almost wore the DIY ruff, but I thought that may be a touch much for work. They are sort of used to me and my whacky dress sense now, but possibly the ruff might have been a accessory too far. I settled on a graphic scarf instead. I wanted a big, stiff, clown bow but, as you can see, it went all floppy on me... Ah, well!

Oh, and those are my favourite boots. I like the way I can change their look with different coloured socks and tights. When I first bought them, I considered them risque and very high - all this was before stripper heels and platforms got trendy - now, they're just ordinary compared to some of the stuff you see.

My hair was a mess, hence the raspberry beret, but I kind of like it anyway.

Pouffy spotted skirt, H&M; layered under pouffy pocket skirt, River Island
Stripey cardigan worn back to front, H&M
Military jacket, designer warehouse sale
Tights and silver stripe socks, H&M
Boots (bought in Chicago a very long time a go)
Beret, French Connection
Scarf, Peacocks

What is up with... the rolled up boyfriend jean?

Oh, come on! When Katie Holmes first appeared in public with short flicky hair and wearing what appeared to be the cast off jeans of some old (and possibly tall) wino bunched up in an unpretty donut roll around her legs, I laughed.

How I laughed, but even then there was an uneasy air to my hilarity. Surely, I thought to myself, no one would take this seriously enough to copy it. Surely, I further thought, no one with an iota of common (let alone fashion) sense was going to think that this was a trend or think that it was ever okay to do that. Surely, the world could not be that mad.

Turns out the joke's on me. For suddenly, Katie Holmes' former fashion faux pas is now a "trademark look". WTF? Take a look, people. Katie Holmes is a hot mess!

(Click on images to enlarge)

Sadly this hasn't stopped Acne Jeans from thinking it's a good idea:
So I fully expect to see this look around and about this season. And it'll take all of my already considerably frayed willpower to stop me from walking up to said offenders and shouting:"What the hell is wrong with you people? Do you not see how very, very wrong this look is?" while belting them around the head with random found objects.

Now, let's get this straight. I see nothing wrong with schlepping around in a pair of Boyfriend jeans or even you're boyf's jeans (if you have one or if they fit) but the sloppy, donut bunch around the ankles? That would be a... No. Because, at the end of the day, you just can't polish a turd.

Katie Holmes images courtesy: Go fug yourself and Handbag
Boyfriend Jeans image courtesy: Acne Jeans

So Fugly! Topshop pierrot hat, £15

Dear Topshop, please tell me, what is this? On second thoughts, no, don't tell me. I know what it is, what I want to know is: why?Okay, I get that you feel the need to underscore your place at the very cutting edge of high street fashion, your remit to show us that no trend is too unwearable to be left unrepresented.

I get that there are hep young things out there that are willing to wear anything (even a glorified dunce's cap) as long as it makes them stand out from the crowd.

Hell, I even understand that the whole circus trend can be quite cute. I love the odd ruff, and a pom pom or two can be fun but... Really? A clown hat? Did you have to take it all so literally?

Oh, and one more question: I noticed that you don't have this particular item on your site anymore; did you pull it or did a clown convention drop by on the off-chance and buy up the lot?

Just wondering...

Good goth

Now that all the new season's trends are starting to hit the stores, it would be so easy to just go out and buy more stuff. But I thought it might be more fun (not to mention easier on the wallet) if I just had a fresh look at the stuff in my wardrobe to come up with some new season outfits.

The glam-goth/luxe-goth look has definitely caught my attention and is set to be a key trend. Luckily for me, I've got few bits and bobs that could work. Using what I have, I put together five looks. Goth it covered. Har, har!

Slip, Largerfeld for H&M; mesh vest, Mango; rara skirt (under slip), Miss Selfridge; shaggy shrug, thrifted; brooch, thrifted

Slip, as before; rara skirt, as before; mesh vest, as before; lace belt, Haberdashers; bustle (used as neck piece), Spitalfields Market

Bolero, New Look; beaded collar, DIY

Tulle dress, customised H&M; lace shirt, vintage Biba; lace belt, as before; heart brooch, thrifted and customised; heart locket, Miss Selfridge; skull pendant, H&M Men; crucifix pendant, thrifted and customised with velvet ribbon

Black bouclé shift dress, thrifted; lace shirt, as before; bustle as neck piece, as before

Lacy days

Damn you Prada! I now, suddenly and quite desperately, want some sheer lace to layer in interesting and unexpected ways. I have a few lace items to play with but I wouldn't say no to this awesome skirt, last seen on Wendy B's blog:It's got exactly what I need: stretchy, pencil shape, no lining, and a really strong and wide waistband. It is perfection, but too far away.

I also want Rosiepop's beautiful, ebay-ed, lace dress, which she has cleverly layered over a blue shirtdress here:I've had a look on the high street but apart from a few tops from Topshop, I keep coming across lace prints or touches of lace or ready-lined lace, which isn't what I need. Come on high street, pull yer finger out! Sheer lace. For layering. Got it?

I want it now - Warehouse lace cape, £22

It's the perfect accompaniment to that lacy, goth-ey, witch-ey, look that we are all destined to be into come A/W. Very versatile.

You could pop it over a tight black t-shirt and skinnies and totally rock out. It would look equally good with an LBD and has the power to add a little more to that same ol' skirt n' top combo.

All that, and just £22? Gimme!

Tee and cake - DIY slogan t shirt

I've been seeing a lot of of oversized white tees around this summer and coveting that whole slouchy tee over leggings/shorts/jeans look.

I really like the one's with some sort of funky line drawing. I saw a huge blouson-ey Betsey Johnson one in Urban Outfitters for £200 and for a hot minute I actually considered buying it - such was the awesome power of its loveliness. Thank God I came to my senses!

I also like the idea of a slogan tee - a la Katherine Hamnet - but I also have a problem with slogan tees in that, well, you just end up wearing someone else's slogan.

Some t-shirts I like (clockwise from top): Betty Jackson for EJF; Smiley face, Religion;
smiley face, Topshop; face print, Lanvin

So, how to get the white, slouchy slogan tee, with a personalised slogan, written exactly the way you want it and decorated to your own exacting standards? DIY.

I got a large white tee in the H&M sales for £2 and set to work on in with some Dylon fabric paint pens that I've had for freakin' ever. I got them from John Lewis, so long ago now that I don't even know whether they sell them anymore. But you can get good fabric paints from any art shop/haberdashers.

I then went to a website that let's you download some funky fonts for free, the font I used is called Cheri Liney and you can download it and others here.

I wrote my logo in Word, set it to the size and font I wanted and printed it out. Then I traced each letter individually onto the t-shirt - you get more flexbility on your layout that way. Needless to say, you need a transparent white tee for this, although if you get a line font, you can cut it into stencils, if your aiming to paint on a coloured/not transparent tee.

Here is my DIY slogan and line drawing tee, I drew the cup cake free-hand but you can also print out a drawing and trace it:

I love the way it's come out

"Feel better eat cake" - it's full of yummy wisdom

hand-drawn cup cake