Is it swimwear time already?

I only ask because it feels like it was only yesterday that it was raining down by the bucketful... Oh, wait... It was only yesterday! Still, I keep getting google searches coming up for swimwear, so some of you out there obviously desperately need to know where the wear is.

Maybe you aim to stockpile them until a faint glimmer of sun appears on the horizon. Then you'll magic up a beach (and some naked, nubile, young, grape-peeling men) and have a costume change every few minutes, as the foolish women who didn't follow your example look on while flagellating themselves with last year's swimsuits.

Or maybe you're taking an early holiday somewhere sunny and need a little something skimpy but cute.

Whatever your reasons, here's some eye-candy for you.

Swimsuits
The ultimate figure flatterers/bulge hiders, these also have the advantage of being cute and glamorous. Wear them and pretend that your a 50s starlet waiting for your close-up. Where's Mr DeMille when you need him?
White with red hearts, £30 and red skirted with white spots, £35, both Jasmine Guinness at Oli
Navy skirted with bow, £98, Fifi Chacnil at Figleaves. Buy it now!
Flower print with detachable strap, £113, Marian Melhorne at House of Fraser. Buy it now!

The Bikini
It's times like these that I get distinctly envious of anyone who lives in America, because you can get your hands on this outstanding pair of high-waisted bikini shorts for a ludicrously cheap $2.99! That's less than a cup of coffee down my local greasy spoon. *en.vy.* Then you can mix and match with your choice of any of these beauteous bikini tops.
High waist shorts, $2.99; pink bandeau, $9.99; multi halter, $7.99; neon underwired, $16.99; all at Newport News

Holida-ay!

Cocktails by the pool, anyone? - I intend to out-Diva Diana

Finally, the wait is over. I am outta here and on my way to sunny Nice for a week of sun, sea and... swimming cossies. Because, ya'll, I have far too many of them.

I have somehow managed in a few short months to amass a staggering 10 pairs of bikinis and 5 swimming costumes. Maybe that's not that much. Maybe there are people out there who own a different swimming costume for every day of the year.

Let me just remind you that I do not live in Miami or Rio or the Bahamas, in fact I do not live anywhere with a beach, speak less of a beach culture. I live in London and - this may come as shock so brace yourselves - we don't get much sun round here!

So, how I have managed to garner enough beachwear for 20 days' costume changes on a desert island is beyond me.

Add to this, my ever growing array of floaty maxi dresses, my multi-coloured collection of shorts courtesy of H&M (canary yellow, cornflower blue, pretty, pretty pink - gotta love da hmm people), beach sandals and flip flops a-go-go and you can see why it sucks to be me when it comes to packing a suitcase.

And presuming I get all this gear into my teeny-tiny suitcase, how am I going to wear all this stuff in just one week? With persistence and sheer bloody-mindedness, that's how.

I intend have more costume changes than Diana Ross at the height of Diva-dom. On acid. There'll be the morning outfit, the beach outfit, the siesta and evening outfits and then there'll be some for just lounging about.

Anyway, Nice awaits. Wonder what the shopping's like there. Can't wait to find out.

Au revoir!

Five of the best... Bikinis

Forget your body issues. These bikini's are so good you'll want to wear them wobbly bits and all.

Got a bit of poochy belly? Wear the high waisted polka dot ones from Toast and borrow some 50s pin up glamour. Need to elongate those thighs? Try H&M's side tie yellow bikini. No one could look less than perfect in the heart printed pair with frilly knickers from Frost French.

Perfect beach bod? The gold trim set from American Apparel will help you show it off in style or make like a bond girl in the ASOS Bond bikini. Bring your own knife belt.

Images clockwise from top: American Apparel gold trim top £17 and bottom £17; Frost French frill briefs, £14 and top £16 from Debenhams; ASOS Bond bikini, £20; H&M tie-side bikini, £13.99; Toast polka dot top £30 and bottoms, £32

Five of the best... swimsuits

It's that time of the year. The sun is shining and a young woman's thoughts turn to sun, sea, sand and swimsuits. So let's have look at what's out there to buy, shall we?

Images clockwise from top: La Redoute bandeau, £25; Toast polka dot, 65; American Apparel silver lame, £21; Warehouse cutout, £28; John Rocha halter neck, £30 at Debenhams

Bikinis Vs Swimsuits

If you have - or believe you have - a less than perfect body, then this must be a no-brainer. The bikini is the most unforgiving of garments. It's designed to reveal more than it conceals, and that makes it most women's worst nightmare.

I would argue that it's not really a garment all. At it's most basic, it's bits of string with triangles of fabric attached. Bikinis are pretty standard really, when you think about it.

Berry good: Halle fills out her bikini

There's not much to fire the imagination from a design perspective. You can change the fabric all you want and vary the amount of fabric involved, but in the end it still amounts to the rough equivalent of a bra and pants that you wear to the beach.

The swimsuit, on the other hand, gives far more coverage, you can choose one that reveals the bits that you like, while covering the bits that you don't. You can hidden support for sagging tits or bulging bellies or drooping bums.

There's also more of range to choose from: halter neck backless items, scooped, cutout, deep v-ed. They can be sexy or demure, brash or subtle. It's you choice which means that you can create you own comfort level.

The good thing about a bikini is that it is probably the one item of clothing left (apart from underwear) where "looking good" does not automatically equal "stick thin". All those stickie-out ribs and pancake flat tits and arse don't work in a bikini.

To truly look good in a bikini you have to have curves in all the right places. You gotta have booty. Just look at Bond girls like Ursula Andress or Halle Berry or take a gander at the girls on the beaches of Brazil or Miami. Now compare that with your common or garden variety size zero and tell me which looks better.

Uma God! Ms Thurman chooses the wrong beach wear

Conversely, the wrong swimsuit can quickly descend into the mimsy and mundane. Remember those pics of Uma Thurman in her plain one-piece on the beach? Before that picture she was a universally acknowledged hottie, after it she lost some of that heat.

So what am I getting at? I'm saying with this one there's just no clear winner. What really matters is being sufficiently confident in your body-shape to choose the right swimwear for you and then letting everyone know how gorgeous you think you are.

See:
Five of the best... swimsuits
Five of best... Bikinis