There's a lot you can do with Cotton... Apparently

The thing about celebrity and the money and fame it brings, is that people will keep knocking on your door offering you new ways to use your advantage to sell things. If you're smart, you choose wisely. You only get involved with projects that you know for sure that you can do (or pay some poor sap to do for you) and you leave the rest well alone.

But sometimes, you start to think you can do anything and that's when things go awry. Case in point: Fearne Cotton has just designed her first ever clothing collection. Now I may be wrong, but I think it looks shit. Not only does it look cheap, tatty and dated but it's also wildly and optimistically overpriced.

Take a look for yourselves:
Frankly, I've seen better stuff at BHS. The clothes are ill-fitting and boring. They make her look like a Mouseketeers reject. They don't even fit in with her edgy, rock chick image, so why do this?

There's moral to this story: stick to what you do well. Fearne Cotton, great at presenting on telly, pants at designing clothing. End of.

He wore an itty bitty, teeny weeny

... pair of shorts. And it seems that by doing this, sulky but fit, metrosexual footballer du jour, Ronaldo has sparked a trend. If the breathless spin of the Debenham's press office is to be believed, "Cristiano Ronaldo has created a huge surge in sales of men’s super-tight, figure- hugging sports shorts".

Far be it for me to miss out on using a picture of the dashing Ronaldo - sans shirt and avec teeny weeny shorts - on this blog for the delectation of my female readership.

It does worry me slightly that there must be a lot of contortion involved to fit in all his dangly bits though. I mean, wherever does he put them? Mystery.

Says Paul Baldwin, Director of Buying for Menswear at Debenhams: “His sense of style has moved men’s shorts into an entirely new ball game." This is a direct quote, I did not make it up. Make of it what you will. I just spent an hour LOL-ing like a LOLcat on laughing gas. Truly.

Anyway, the up shot of it all is that our eyes will be assualted this summer with the sight of many men squeezed into too tight shorts in various pastel shades. It won't be pretty but it'll be pretty hilarious. As the ever erudite Mr Baldwin puts it: “Alas, they may not be the best choice for more generously proportioned people such as Peter Kay or John Prescott.”

Word, Mr Balwin, WORD.

Happy Friday!

Get a load of V V

There has been a lot of buzz around indie popstrel VV Brown over the past few months, enough for her to enter my peripheral consciousness and prompt a Youtube trawl to find out what she's all about. Pleasantly, I kinda like her happy, poppy, "doo wop indie" sound.

It's the kind of music that reminds me of my childhood spent listening to Elvis Presley and trying to tease my, frankly unmanageable, think afro hair into a slick quiff, whilst perfecting my lip curl and jumping around like a possesed wind up toy. Ah... Good times...

It helps that Ms Brown is utterly gorgeous and quirkily stylish. I do like a good dose of eye candy in my music videos. "The suits" have been quick to jump on the cool kid status bandwagon and purveyors of fine mobile phones, 2 for one cinema offers and music sponsorship, Orange have had V V design their orange poncho for Glastonbury this year, which means that I can use this totally gratuous shot of VV with said Poncho on my blog.
Isn't it fetching? Don't you want one for your very own? Well, there are 100 free limited edition ponchos up for grabs at Orange's Chill 'n' Charge tent at Glasto this weekend.

Now let's see a bit more of the divine Ms Brown in action, shall we?

A woman's right to (cheap) Choos

Far be it for me to even pretend that I'm still running this blog regularly but sometimes the news is so stupendous, you have to come out your hole, blink shortsighted at the sun and say: H&M have somehow managed to convince Jimmy Choo - THE Jimmy Choo - to design a range of accessories for them. How do H&M do it?

The collection will include bags and shoes for both women and men and will be hitting 200 stores worldwide in November. Dear lord! I can just see the long queues and the mad scrum that'll ensue. There will be blood, I tells ya.