In at 5, it's the American Retro jewel strap sandals, £256. From this angle they look like giant, squatting, jewel encrusted spiders. Nice.
At 4, it's Burberry's lizard and raffia sandals. Now, I've got to say this upfront, I don't think that these are particularly ugly shoes but at £450 they are ridiculously expensive and therefore open themselves up to ridicule. And also, I don't think the lizard got a fair deal.
Our entry at 3 is the... wait for it... the ultra-modern, glazed kid (I kid you not, ho ho!) sandal from Donna Karan. Relatively cheap for £195, they have the curved lines of a 70s Sci Fi spaceship. Oh, and also, check out the two-toned heel. Fugly spaceships for your feet.
The number 2 spot goes to the ever so glam, diamante heel sandals, £595 from John Galliano at Dior. If ever a shoe shouted LOOK AT ME! it's these. Not only is the cutout heel fully encrusted in cheap ass diamante, the buckle also has a tiny charm hanging off it. If Paris Hilton were a shoe, she'd be this shoe.
And right at the top at number 1, is it a shark? is it a plane? is it the bastard child of a granite work top, a shark and a plane? No, it's the super duper, all singing, all dancing, lizard (what, another one? What have these creatures ever done to you people?) and satin sandals. Check out those wings, which remind me, for some reason, of the flying monkeys of Oz. But there's more. The heel and sole are embedded with Swarovski crystals (all the better to bling you with). And there's more. Take a look at the geometric, floating platform sole. Okay, you know what? There. Is. Too. Much. Going. On. With. This. Shoe. Maybe it's to justify the £455 price tag but... Just. No.
