Monday, 3 November 2008

Doggy do or doggy don't?

Let's just lay this down for the record: I don't do pets.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against keeping critters in your household and have been known to be smitten by other people's "familiars". But I reckon that the patience and commitment it takes to look after a pet is just too far beyond what I hold in reserve. It's hard enough with people most times.

However, I recently got some info about a line of "pet inspired" jewellery and I decided to check it out. We all know how crazy pet people get about their pets and the lengths they go to to keep their prized pooches and admired moggies happy. It's a multi-billion pound industry that thrives on the sometimes beyond-all-reason love of pet owners. It's a love that makes them do stupid things.

So let's just say, I was feeling a little cynical about what the site had to offer. Would it be diamond encrusted collars? Swarovski crystal encrusted doggie jackets? 18 carat gold pet bowls? My mind boggled with the cringe-worthy possibilities of it all.

Turns out my instincts were half right, because although the "pet inspired" jewellery is quite tasteful (as far as pet jewellery can be) and is aimed directly at humans rather than their pets, it still obviously trying to rake in the "mad pet love" cash with pave diamond encrusted "dog tags" (bone shaped pendants, mournful dog-faces, paw-printed rings) and 18K gold trinkets. The prices are equally ridiculous, starting at $1,200 for a pair of bone-shaped stud earrings.

Surely there are better ways to spend this amount of cash, even if your weiner dog (or sausage dog to us Brits. Weiner's just funnier, heh) is the undisputed love of your life. But then what do I know? I don't do pets.

While we're on the subject, pet owners, I beseech you, stop dressing up your pets. They are animals. They come ready dressed. Everytime I see a dog in a frou frou pink tutu I want to cry. They look so traumatised and embarrassed... Just stop it, okay?

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I like pretty dresses, high heels, the colour red and good writing.